There’s a pleasure involved in watching movies with Jason Statham and the other ‘superhuman’ action stars. Unfiltered action with lots of violence, bullets, blood, spilt guts, and unnecessary noise. As a boy I was surrounded by other boys who further encouraged that behavior. That definitely seeped into all vestiges of my brain.
I find myself resorting to baser instincts as a reaction to something that is unconventional and challenges any ossified approach I still consider valid. I attribute this tendency to the ‘tough’ idea of masculinity.
It would have made a huge difference if we were told that we could define our masculinity for ourselves, and that our lives could be testament to that definition. Instead my time was spent unlearning a lot of behaviors and then finding appropriate reactions to adopt. There was a hurdle; I couldn’t exactly copy ‘appropriate behavior’, I had to make it my own. That took time which meant that there was a gap. One of the hardest tasks to do is to put one’s self under a microscope, list out all faults and then rebuild.
Just for kicks though I will end with an inappropriate lyric from a hardcore rap track.
Still ridin’ clean, making cheese and gettin’ my dick sucked.
-Tanmay
minutes of my heart 