Tag: life

one face; many souls

~ Tanmay ~ Leave a comment

Freedom of thoughts- your thoughts are your assets. Even the private ones. In fact it is our completely private and secret thoughts that keep us sane. Appropriate behaviour, subscription to certain morals in public for the society, appropriate language etc. are often argued to be nothing more than methods of controlling people in a manner that is soft and subtle but has far reaching consequences in actual social life.

One of the most common conundrums: How many times do you feel like you shouldn’t say something humorous because it may be grossly misunderstood to an extreme?

There’s no hard and fast rule to that. You could say something reckless and not in tune with modern social sensibilities- (said with the purest of intents)- and then face rebuke but as long as your own head space is fortified there’s a high chance your mental health won’t be affected.

How do you take responsibility though? What you say is an extension of yourself, and that “image” of yours can be crafted by you and then becomes open to the public to be scrutinised and painted upon. Responsible behaviour is part self-awareness and part knowledge of sensibilities. Both these fronts will never be a 100% correct for any individual.

Responsible behaviour would involve an adherence to not inflicting on others what you would never want inflicted upon yourself. Personal sensibilities vary with time and thus self-awareness kicks in. What you said in the past is not necessarily a true reflection of your present. But you don’t have to “delete” those expressions. Time and context.

So I revert back to the privacy of thoughts. To maintain your peace you may project an image but in the privacy of your thoughts you may choose to live completely contrary to what you said. And that is allowed. Your private thoughts aren’t policed yet and you should use them to their maximum potential for mental comfort, peace and learning.

This is a short summary of my thoughts on the matter. There are more facets involved to thoughts and thinking. We shall explore them slowly as we go along.

-Tanmay

cut the crap and work

~ Tanmay ~ Leave a comment

we’re all grasses in a field

different shades

swaying in the wind

caressed by a dogs furs

or dumped on by his shit

and we let ants pass through

and let our earth be churned by worms

enjoying the minutest tectonic shift to the actual earth

still it’s important for our life

the adversity offered by the soil turners

helps in growth

or character

I don’t know

they say something along those lines,

but let’s go ahead swaying under

the winds of the city

carrying with them the ashes of, dreams-

fulfilled

and crushed.

we sense it all in an attempt

to make sense

and realise that

our soil is poor

we could have done more

but we were stuck with thinking

the grass is greener on the other side

the grass is greener on the other side…

-Tanmay

tsunami

~ Tanmay ~ Leave a comment

I entered yesterday’s first class right at the moment I got up. It was a swift movement of the legs propelling me out of bed as a bunny would, and I jumped straight to my plywood table covered with an off white sunmica. I log in immediately for it is 2020, the year my generation is going through its first pandemic holed up in their homes, scared, bored, uncertain. Too much changed this year to make sense of. And the changes being so drastic their consequences are much more difficult to fathom. But I guess those with money are lucky. It’s not tough. Upholding the safety norms is enough. There’s enough time to indulge in myriad experiences, provided you’re in a city with low regulations. Experiences that’ll help cope with the tsunami of unknown consequences that’ll follow.

-Tanmay

bathroom bedlam and drugs

~ Tanmay ~ Leave a comment

leaky faucets dripping incessantly

birthing a river; home to invisible creatures

I

on the pale commode

with my feet on the cheapest tiles we could afford ten tears ago

see transparent squids through silent eyes

tentacles warping in all directions

touching toes

touching souls

to transfer a message

between species, a message from the sea

of salt and petals and sharks and seagulls

the water calls

me

and I feel it on my head

the water

“Yes! I feel it!

A few drops! Like rain!”

but it’s only my slumber

that has me forgetting that

the electric geyser up there also leaks

-Tanmay

brown

~ Tanmay ~ Leave a comment

Everyday we drink tea, resting the tea cups on round jute coasters on a large brown wood coffee table with an even larger brown tinted glass surface.

The tint makes the newspapers below look 30 years old- as if they were fished out from our storage room, but of course they bear today’s day and date- neat and crisp.

The rusk often drips into the tea as we stare into our respective screens on quiet mornings of days’ that we know entail toil. The unuttered desperation for rest adds to the silence, broken periodically by the stunted cries of stunted sparrows. The sparrrows are smaller than they used to be 20 years ago. Their plumage pathetic now, dirt-like instead of the browns that we have preserved in our eyes.

A three-some of green parrots show up at the window near the dining table, overlooking the cemetery. Always in threes, and always silent for the fear of attracting a predator who’d claw them down.

Only once have I sighted a large hawk in our skies, gawking over the cemetery as if it was its land. How would I explain to it that that land is disputed property…

-Tanmay

kids and poetry

~ Tanmay ~ Leave a comment

Been a busy three days tending to poetic desires. It is a relief to know that if you keep your head down and put in the work, it’ll pay off.

Writing has offered a steady support for a long time. It’s an exercise that if done for pleasure will furnish peace. There’s endless possibilities of the magic that can be crafted through pen and paper. Once an idea strikes I translate it into an image, and I describe it as best as possible. Slowly I feel that the poem itself dictates how it’ll turn out to be and I am just a medium.

There’s a lot of exploration to do and I will keep sharing what I find as I find it.

-Tanmay

nightmare

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These serpentine dreams of mine

latch onto me,

dragging me down

long after I’ve woken up,

it’s the incubus of epic proportions

reminding me of sins that were

the poison dilutes my blood

and I hallucinate- an extension of nightmares- a contorted scarecrow’s screaming cries

ringing in my ears

the rustling summer wind gives me cotton mouth

sweat drops like a river from my hair to my chin

and then the pounding of the earth

with no time to turn around

all I see from the corner of my eye-

vile wolves with red eyes jumping on me…

-Tanmay

sleeping

~ Tanmay ~ Leave a comment

The devilish pleasure and luxury of being able to sleep the whole day, the whole night and the whole evening. There’s construction work going on in the apartment above us, and they were working in the room above mine. The noise under which I went to sleep was no joke. No room was spared either, the noises were everywhere. But I slept through, waking up in a compounded glory of multiple hollow meaningless victories.

It’s not even me skipping my responsibilities. They’re too less. What else am I supposed to do in a state of limbo, a state of lax muscles and an idle mind?

Any suggestions about better use of time would be welcome.

-Tanmay

free (cheap) booze

~ Tanmay ~ Leave a comment

elusive is the feeling of satisfaction

when the high tide fills me up

and then recedes

so I accept: “every high has its low”

the coin of life I suppose

wherein we resign

to luck and chance

we’re not entirely wrong to do so

move your limbs enough the right manner

and you’ll earn some respect

“rest you leave to luck”

they say

so I do that

and sometimes I don’t

a zeal to be a contrarian

keeps me sane and happy

the life of mechanics and logic seems bland

hence these images in my head constructed

from images of life

Polaroid eyes printing instantly

and the brain filling in the details

so finely that the cocktail is smooth

and keeps me happy

and for a second the elusive satisfaction is in my palms. warm and lucky.

-Tanmay

Juice WRLD speaks from heaven

~ Tanmay ~ 1 Comment

Man, we really lost a gem. I first listened to Juice WRLD (Jarad Anthony Higgins) in WRLD on Drugs a collaborative album by Future and Juice WRLD. The album was about dope and was dope. There were some really good bangers on it, and the duo seemed to produce good sound together. Juice hails from Chicago, Illinois and was signed to Interscope Records.

Juice was popular for his introspective style of rapping and using predominantly mellow R&B beats. Songs such as Empty and Maze proved that he could talk about important issues that every human goes through whilst struggling. It added to address the problem with the general ethos of sadness that is somehow much more pronounced in all public spaces online or offline, (maybe it’s because people are not afraid to express anymore, and Juice made them feel better).

His first posthumous album Legends Never Die, (aptly named) continued his story of dealing with fame at a young age (he died six days after turning 21). Jarad is deemed a genius because of immense maturity in his lyrics despite his age.

Jarad’s death should serve as constant reminder to not indulge extremely in shit that can kill you.

RIP JUICE

-Tanmay