Tag: peace

one face; many souls

~ Tanmay ~ Leave a comment

Freedom of thoughts- your thoughts are your assets. Even the private ones. In fact it is our completely private and secret thoughts that keep us sane. Appropriate behaviour, subscription to certain morals in public for the society, appropriate language etc. are often argued to be nothing more than methods of controlling people in a manner that is soft and subtle but has far reaching consequences in actual social life.

One of the most common conundrums: How many times do you feel like you shouldn’t say something humorous because it may be grossly misunderstood to an extreme?

There’s no hard and fast rule to that. You could say something reckless and not in tune with modern social sensibilities- (said with the purest of intents)- and then face rebuke but as long as your own head space is fortified there’s a high chance your mental health won’t be affected.

How do you take responsibility though? What you say is an extension of yourself, and that “image” of yours can be crafted by you and then becomes open to the public to be scrutinised and painted upon. Responsible behaviour is part self-awareness and part knowledge of sensibilities. Both these fronts will never be a 100% correct for any individual.

Responsible behaviour would involve an adherence to not inflicting on others what you would never want inflicted upon yourself. Personal sensibilities vary with time and thus self-awareness kicks in. What you said in the past is not necessarily a true reflection of your present. But you don’t have to “delete” those expressions. Time and context.

So I revert back to the privacy of thoughts. To maintain your peace you may project an image but in the privacy of your thoughts you may choose to live completely contrary to what you said. And that is allowed. Your private thoughts aren’t policed yet and you should use them to their maximum potential for mental comfort, peace and learning.

This is a short summary of my thoughts on the matter. There are more facets involved to thoughts and thinking. We shall explore them slowly as we go along.

-Tanmay

sleeping

~ Tanmay ~ Leave a comment

The devilish pleasure and luxury of being able to sleep the whole day, the whole night and the whole evening. There’s construction work going on in the apartment above us, and they were working in the room above mine. The noise under which I went to sleep was no joke. No room was spared either, the noises were everywhere. But I slept through, waking up in a compounded glory of multiple hollow meaningless victories.

It’s not even me skipping my responsibilities. They’re too less. What else am I supposed to do in a state of limbo, a state of lax muscles and an idle mind?

Any suggestions about better use of time would be welcome.

-Tanmay

Juice WRLD speaks from heaven

~ Tanmay ~ 1 Comment

Man, we really lost a gem. I first listened to Juice WRLD (Jarad Anthony Higgins) in WRLD on Drugs a collaborative album by Future and Juice WRLD. The album was about dope and was dope. There were some really good bangers on it, and the duo seemed to produce good sound together. Juice hails from Chicago, Illinois and was signed to Interscope Records.

Juice was popular for his introspective style of rapping and using predominantly mellow R&B beats. Songs such as Empty and Maze proved that he could talk about important issues that every human goes through whilst struggling. It added to address the problem with the general ethos of sadness that is somehow much more pronounced in all public spaces online or offline, (maybe it’s because people are not afraid to express anymore, and Juice made them feel better).

His first posthumous album Legends Never Die, (aptly named) continued his story of dealing with fame at a young age (he died six days after turning 21). Jarad is deemed a genius because of immense maturity in his lyrics despite his age.

Jarad’s death should serve as constant reminder to not indulge extremely in shit that can kill you.

RIP JUICE

-Tanmay

buffer; la flame; noise

~ Tanmay ~ Leave a comment

I took the weekend off and reflected upon a lot of things. The weird outcome of the break was the reinforcement and action upon my initial thoughts about taking up reading philosophy. The adage that reading makes you grow and makes you wiser is something I experience after finishing any illuminating book and it is a spiritual wholesomeness that pushes my lips upwards, of course if you’re reading Murakami you might be left extremely bewildered and betrayed (more on that later).

In the humdrum and business of daily life with various people involved who contribute unknowingly to the clamor and the vulgarity of noise in society, it is easy to lose track and resign. It happens too frequently and is discouraging for creative and positive endeavors. Instead we bog down on inconsequential details to impart a facade of meaning over our lives, all the while knowing that it is a facade.

A collection of small goals that adds up to your larger goal is said to be a more effective way of doing almost anything. It seems to work for me as it allows room to breathe amongst the noise.

How do you block out the noise?

-Tanmay

buried alive; logic; reasons

~ Tanmay ~ Leave a comment

Music and loneliness have a symbiotic relationship. Music doesn’t cut away the loneliness but it sure numbs the pain that arises out of it. I remember in my second semester at univeristy I had my earphones resting on my ears constantly, no matter where I went. In February 2018 I was introduced to Logic’s Under Pressure by a fellow music enthusiast and music producer. I fell in love with Logic instantly. He is revered by a lot of people for his honest take on anxiety and depression, almost as if an older brother is listening to you and your fears. I remember sitting alone for breakfast eating quickly whilst listening to Buried Alive, the memory is etched so clearly that listening to the song again now brings back images from that time and a thump in my body because of the physiological changes that anxiety brought forth were sometimes more pronounced while listening to relatable music. It was mostly a wrenching of the gut- up and down so strong that it would force my hip up if I was on my bed.

There was a dependence that I fostered on certain types of music that helped channel some of my confusion with life into energy to get up and do shit. I owe a lot to the artists whose music I listened to then. The desperation of loneliness demands prompt attachment to anything constant. People couldn’t be there in the way I needed them to be, so an only child was still the only child at steel tables, with two hundred of his peers ten meters away. It was almost necessary, the way my life unfolded then; it made me impervious.

Everything happens for a reason and the reason is made clear after the happening; almost always.

-Tanmay

screaming subconscious

~ Tanmay ~ 2 Comments

Sometimes I don’t understand the origin of the pain that seeps into my poems. The knowledge that there have been terrible experiences is not enough to explain why there is pain still. Why is there hurt hidden beneath, or is it in the air around me?

I attribute it to a subconscious that is still screaming. It is still reeling from the jolts that erupted years ago. The subconscious is screaming because it has no one to talk to- but only me to talk through. Manifesting its active pain into my passive actions. The silence that I prefer hides the screams of the void within.

The pain is too romantic to go away. It’ll cling for as long as it can. It’s a struggle to get it off and whether you like it or not there’s going to be a lot of self correction and learning then unlearning and learning again. But it’s a harder struggle per se, so I resorted to numbing myself, and making myself immune to the world, keeping my pain guarded closely in my arms, feeding its ego and nurturing it further. Till life itself became unsustainable and I was on the brink of losing a lot of what wasn’t mine to lose. I had to take charge of myself through the loneliness and the tough nights and work on my mind.

Taming the mind is a long process requiring practice and discipline, repeated a million times only to reach a point much below any semblance of excellence. Life itself is that process. The way you navigate your life is your process, and that navigation is in your hands only when you’re aware of yourself. Deciphering the meaning of the world and the purpose of existence is nothing but an attempt to understand your own life. The process requires many attributes- such as controlling impulses. I react too quickly to impulses rather than analysing how they might affect my time ahead. Reactions might trigger a fall of a long chain dominos that is nothing but a recipe for disaster. Analysing choices offers insight that will add to better judgment in the future. It sounds easy to say all of this, but the truth is we as human beings falter too much for our own good. Sometimes it’s not under our control either; but if you adopt an attitude of servitude to yourself you might lessen the negatives.

Your mind should work for you.

-Tanmay

china china china

~ Tanmay ~ Leave a comment

It is disturbingly weird that all our attention for a day has been on the ban of Chinese apps. In my understanding it is a strategic move by the government who have selectively blocked those apps which had raised privacy concerns earlier. However there still remain many other applications especially money handling apps like Paytm and other “Unicorn Startups” that have substantial interest of Chinese investors. Which further confirms that it was a move to leverage China with whatever we have.

Wars have changed drastically (they did a long time ago, but I started giving a fuck only recently). The bottom line is I don’t want to live in a time which is not peace-time nor do I wanna be drafted in the defense. I’d saw my leg off to get out of it.

Peacetime is all my generation has known, and I get scared sometimes.

-Tanmay